Lately, I’ve been thinking. Well… that’s obvious, we always think all the time. I watched only part of the special on the MLB Network Nine Innings from Ground Zero. I say I watched only part of it because I am not a girly girl. I do not ever wear make up unless I have to, I slouch, I wear hats instead of showering, and would be considered by most a dude trapped in a chick’s body (by the way, that doesn’t even cover half of my gross habits… probably more information than you needed to know, but whatever). This leads me to… the next thing. I don’t like to cry. I knew that I wasn’t going to make it through that special without breaking down and totally losing it, so I had to stop before the waterworks started up. The point is, it got me thinking about how precious life is… ya know, after I had to turn it off.
I was fortunate enough to not lose anyone during that incredibly tragic time. However, like every American, it affected me considerably. I can’t see the World Trade Center without something… some part of me… something feeling off. Not necessarily haunted by any means, but something within me gets… modified. Does that make any kind of sense? I don’t feel like me. I get chills and a tightness in my chest, it’s weird. Anyway, so my thought was how abruptly our lives can end and how lucky we are to wake up in the morning and take a breath. In my previous blog, I was kind of a cry baby about moving to Denver, which I shouldn’t have been. It should have been something that I was thankful for. The other day I took a long walk down the Sixteenth Street mall. I walked by Denver’s World Trade Center. It’s weird when I think about it now, like some kind of foreshadowing.
Anyway, I realized that life is short and precious. I’m young, and regardless of a person’s age, perhaps it’s important to “grab life by the horns.” As Americans, we spend practically every hour of every day working to make a living for ourselves and to be… well, richer. While I don’t deny that I have obligations to pay back… damn student loans, I believe I should stop worrying about it as much as I have been. I have a job interview on Friday, which is exciting, and while I could use the money, I should probably take a breather and get it through my thick skull that if I don’t get this job, it isn’t the end of the world.
So, while I was thinking about life and how precious it is, it got me thinking about baseball and my place in it. How in Nine Innings From Ground Zero the world turned to baseball to help alleviate the tragedy that was. How something, like a game, like an obsession, like a love can bring us together. I said in Tom’s article that I Live for This is a bold title. And while I still don’t dispute that, I believe that we all live for this, whatever this may be, and what’s more is that in this very moment, we all live. And we are all so lucky to be able to. So, as we continue living, may we all live for the moment, not the next moment, not the moment a week from now, but this moment, this very moment. So, as I continue to live, to breathe, I will recognize each moment as priceless and that the rare commodities that we have are also unparalleled. What’s more, is that I’ll know that two of the most important commodities to me are baseball and blogging about baseball and it’s because I live for it, I live for this.
Lately I’ve been thinking about the working world… or lack thereof. I’m always hopeful of finding a job, and somehow seem to end up without one. It sucks. I have ambitions for a career, and yet find myself searching for something that can pay the bills rather than pursuing what I want to do most. That was not a disclaimer, that was just me complaining.
I was recently approached by Tom, an amazing writer and all around awesome person, who asked me if I’d like to be part of his series Timeout at the Plate. I was incredibly honored when he asked me and jumped at the opportunity. After that, I started thinking about my own life. Tom joined the MLBlogs Network at around the same time I did, and yet, with it, he’s doing something completely-out-of-this-world-amazing and writing about what he believes in; he’s about to risk everything for something he loves. Then I take a look at what I’m doing and think, “yeah, I was definitely NOT destined to be a writer.”
I stopped by the Rockpile Rant and read his latest blog. It made me think of The Office. Why? First of all, I love that show. It’s hilarious. If you haven’t watched it, you should. Second, there’s a part where they get a new HR person, and Michael (the boss) has decided he hates her. His tied-for-number-three guy Dwight has decided he also hates her. Here is a conversation that ensues between the two.
Michael: [watching from office] Toby’s replacement. Ugh. Wow.
Dwight: So what do we know about her?
Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she’ll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already.
Dwight: I hate her too.
Michael: Why do you hate her?
Dwight: Because she… stinks… with her… ways… and her… head.
Michael: You know, Dwight, sometimes… I don’t know, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?
Michael: Yeah! It would! Just have a thought, have an original thought. Although… I will agree that her head is weird.
Okay, so this made me think of me because of Michael saying, “Have an original thought.” Irealized that most of the time, I’m not sure I ever actually have anything original to say. It also reminds me of The Joker from The Dark Knight, which I may have already quoted at some point, saying, “I’m like a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one! You know? I just… do things.” That’s kind of my feeling right now.
In a world where time is everything and every hour, every minute, every second of the day counts, our lives are moving at the speed of light, and I am just… existing. And no, this isn’t a pity party, it’s a thought about how the world around me, everyone and everything, seems to be moving so fast, and while I’m trying to keep up, I can’t; I’m just here. While people are being successful and making a name for themselves and doing something so great, I’m out there just believing and hoping to get by. And while I do have goals for myself, since I have absolutely no idea how to go about achieving them, I’m… well… stuck. I have fears of being stuck in a dead end job. I like to be challenged; the problem with that is that now that I know exactly what it is I want to do with my life, everything else seems odious. And odious might be a strong word for it, too strong, but my feelings toward this are also strong.
I thought in college that I had discovered who I was. And while I don’t think I’m going to turn into a whole different person, I’m starting to wonder if I should. I am as idiosyncratic as the rockies themselves (the mountains, not the team). And while it’s our differences and our individualistic personas that make us… well… individuals, is it possible to be too atypical? Again, thinking of The Joker, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you… stranger.” Of course, who wants to be like The Joker? The dude is creepy… and strange… obviously. I think I’m expressing this to the blogging community because after moving to Denver, I don’t actually know anybody. I have the pleasure of moving back in with one of my parents and and living in a city. Greeley is not a city. In fact, it’s full of cows and smells like cow crap 100% of the time. You know, that like… light scent that’s always there, but then some days it’s like, you can’t walk outside without choking on the air. But now, a city, where you can’t see the stars at night and are forced to live in a fast paced, almost-get-run-over-by-a-car-everyday society, who has time to make friends? People are busy pursuing their lives and trying to get by without well… getting run over by a car. I think I need an outlet for my anxiety, like a job. Hmm… imagine that. College was so much easier to make friends, you kind of had to, like, sitting in class. You had to meet people so the days when you didn’t want to get out of bed, you had somebody to get notes from. When you’re in a college town, you can just talk to random young people and they’re not going to think anything of it. Well, unless you’re a creeper, then they might. But here, it’s kind of like you’re always a creeper, even though you’re totally not creepy. People here seem to be suspicious-like, and I don’t think it’s just Denver, it’s cities everywhere. I guess it’d be hard for me even if cities weren’t shy and suspicious-like. Maybe I need to be less shy, less afraid to experience whatever it is the world is going to try and offer. Mostly I can’t help it. I’m very quiet unless I find something common to talk about. The usual one is baseball. Oh man, that’s an easy subject to talk about. I mean, it’s not like I have specific interests; music, guitar, Dane Cook and Mitch Hedberg quotes, video games, books… but I guess mostly baseball books… hmm… maybe I need to expand my interests. I can talk about hockey, and I’m trying to understand football and basketball better. I don’t know. Does it sound like I’m complaining? Because I don’t mean to be if it does. I’m just trying to figure somethings out and what I’m meant to do with… well… life.
And if you’re going to take something from this weird rant, don’t let it be that picture of the cows butt, or that you think I watch too much TV or movies, but think about if you had the world at your finger tips, and you could do anything you wanted, how would you realistically go about getting it?
First of all, let me say congrats to Brad Hawpe and Chris Iannetta. An invitation to the USA Classic was extended to both of them, and while Hawpe has not yet responded as to whether or not he will attend, it’s an honor to be invited. A congrats must also be extended to other players I enjoy, including Kevin Youklis, Dustin Pedroia, and Josh Beckett, although Beckett passed up on the opportunity.
Anyway, I was reading an article the other day in the Rocky Mountain News, sorry Woody Paige, but it talked about free agency and the number of players that were signed. Of the 271 free agents with two or more years of major league play, a grand total of seventy-eight received contract. And of those seventy-eight, only ten got deals that were worth three years or more. Wow… I knew the economy was bad, but when I wrote A Luxury, I didn’t realize how bad it actually was. It’s also mildly reassuring that, while my lifestyle does not compare to that of a baseball team, I’m not the only one suffering. Thanks to whoever for letting me graduate in a POS economy.
I caught something in the paper that made me laugh really hard. Anyone who knows anything about hockey knows that those guys are missing teeth, have crooked noses, and can often be pretty weird looking. I mean, have you seen Mike Ricci?
<—- That’s him. Talk about… a face… Yeah, that’s a nice way to put it, right?
Anyway, hockey has always been a love of mine, and I’ve had a sweet spot for number fourteen, Ian Laperriere. He said something regarding the Avs style of play that I loved, “We need to be ugly, just like my face.”
And that’s ————->
a really unflattering picture of him, but I kind of had to find one because he had to live up to his quote. He’s not really that scary looking. I can picture people being like “Ah! How are you even attracted to that dude?” But ya know, 1. he’s a hockey player so he’s supposed to be goofy looking, and 2. um… I have no idea how. But he has much less intimidating pictures. Where, ya know…he’s actually smiling. Anyway, I thought that was funny, and thought that even if you didn’t care about hockey, maybe the blogging community would also find it to be humorous.
Speaking of hockey players, I was midly proud (and it’s kind of a bad thing) to see Sidney Crosby get in his first fight. The kid was born in 1987 and is already playing at a professional level and is the freaking captain. And while I don’t condone violence… sort of… the kid totally kicked face. Oh, and in case you didn’t know, Crosby is the player in white, punching the dude in the face. In fact, in about forty minutes from this very sentence, the Avs are going to face off against the Penguins. I will probably watch it. Although, lately, I’ve discovered that my dad gets the MLB Network, YAY!!!!, and so I’ve been mildly addicted to that.
In fact, last night, or two nights ago, I watched the Home Run Derby from 2008. Although Justin Morneau won, my respect will always go toward Mr. Josh Hamilton. I also find him to bekind of completely amazing. Like the amount of respect that should go to him is incomprehensible. He’s kind of the most phenomenal thing to ever walk the face of the earth. Wow, I give him a lot of credit. But the man completely astounds me. I’ve been meaning tobuy his book.
So, I also just realized that I wrote a whole blog and it really has no purpose. It just kind of exists. That was lame. I guess I don’t actually have anything to say. Hmm… interesting. I’m not usually at a loss for words. I usually try to write blogs with purpose. In fact, I wrote a blog about myself and how I try to write with purpose. Speaking of, I always title my blogs after I write them because for the most part, there’s something going on and not this random sputter of thoughts. Hmm… well, sorry to whoever actually read this whole thing. It was boring and lame.
I recently went through reading some of my favorite blogs, Red State Blue State always being a favorite and Julia’s Rants, always good for a read. Now, I came across an article while reading Julia’s Rants that intrigued me. The article talks about Mark Teixeira, Jason Varitek, and Scott Boras (everyone’s favorite person, ha ha). My thoughts, however, really have nothing to do with the article, rather something that was said during it.
While reading, Peter Gammons mentioned something that I had heard previously, but had not yet applied to baseball until he said it. His words were this:
“On the front page of the Sunday New York Times, there was a
story that 10-12 major Broadway shows are closing down this month, the
most ever. And I kind of compare that . . . they’re luxury items the
way baseball games have become luxury items, and I think that may be a
tell-tale sign about the economy.”
Hmm… interesting. I did read about the Broadway shows closing down, which for me wasn’t a big deal because I’m not really a musical type person; but I had never thought of baseball as a luxury item. When I first began writing this blog, my thought was that I’d write something about how the economy being in shambles doesn’t seem to be having any kind of effect on our richer teams. But then, it took a different turn once I re-read that sentence again. “… baseball games have become luxury items…” Really? I had never thought of baseball as a luxury item, it was just… baseball. Something that I cared and loved so deeply, something that was more than just a game to me, something that practically ruled my life and I’d be watching MLB Network if I could get it.
The point is this: was going to a ball park a luxury? I had always thought the very game of baseball was a luxury. Going and seeing one of the greatest games every played, cheering for your team, breathing the fresh air, the prospect of catching a ball, the hatred of the other team… or the Yankees… or the other team… cough…, the very love of the game. These things are indeed luxuries. But a game being a luxury “item”? It had never dawned on me before this moment. I am so damn lucky that I can watch baseball, that I can live baseball, that I can breathe baseball. And yeah, it should be a luxury “item” to go to a game, it should be a luxury “item” for the very reason in and of itself that baseball is a luxury. To breathe it, to care about it, to have a completely unnatural obsession with it.
Now that I’m no longer living on student loans, I realize, oh crap, am I even going to have enough money to go to a baseball game? I’ve gotta go buy crap at King Soopers so that I can get those awesome pavillion seats for $10 dollars. Then, no trip is completely without nachos. Yeah, god only knows what is in the “cheese” but hey, if it doesn’t kill me, it makes me stronger, right? This also, however, created another problem. I had told Tom, who is about to embark on a ridiculous journey, that I’d hit up games with him, and I also wouldn’t mind seeing the infamous Rockpile Ranter. Hmm… there’s that ADD kicking in with all the side tracking. Back to baseball being a luxury “item.”
I guess when it comes down to it, the difference between baseball being a luxury and baseball being a luxury “item” is that there really is no difference. That when I go to the park, I’ll admire those mile high seats, that I’ll remember during one of the fire works games how I took some grass (it’s dead now, obviously, but, it’s in a little plastic baggy, tee hee), that I’ll not die of a heart attack eating those nachos, and that I’ll breathe. I’ll take a deep breath knowing that I can afford a luxury. And damn, what a luxury it is.
Era: a long and distinct period of history with a particular feature or characteristic
This is the definition of an era according to the dashboard on my Mac. Although there’s lots to blog about, including Dan O’dowd being satisfied with the current roster, I have other things on my mind. I’ve been gathering my things and moving for the last few days, and things have finally dawned on me. My life is about to be very different than the way it was.
I would call Greg Maddux retiring the end of an era, or John Elway’s retirement the end of an era, or other such legacies are the end of something great. And while I don’t compare the “era” I’m talking about to either of them, I do feel that it fits the definition. For eight years, my best friend and I have practically been attached at the hip. We were inseparable and spent all of high school together and lived together in college for all but one year. For the last three years, she’s been dating the man who she’s going to marry, and on Wednesday, January 7th, will be gone for six months in Taiwan. When it comes down to it, six months isn’t really that long. I mean, I’m twenty-three years old, I’ve been living for forty-six six month periods. The thought comes in where I consider all the things I’m about to lose. When she returns from Taiwan, she’ll likely be engaged, and then married. At this very moment in my life, I have absolutely no intentions of getting married. I’m career oriented and I don’t have much of an interest in dating anyone (unless one of the Rockies came along), and I certainly don’t have plans for marriage, which is weird considering where I live. I’ve been in Greeley for the past four and a half years going to college. I was raised in Boulder, and the transition from some where so liberal to some where so conservative was a very large change. I got involved in the campus ministry Campus Crusade for Christ, where I met a lot of different people. Some of them would impact my life, and others I would do my best to stay away from. The point of this is that many of the girls I encountered didn’t want anything more for themselves other than to be a mother. This is not me at all, so I never really pursued marriage. I’m getting side tracked.
The point is, after knowing someone for so long, how much will our friendhsip change? There’s no doubt that change is inevitable, but I feel as though I’m losing my best friend. I will still have her as my friend, probably my best friend, but things between us won’t ever be thesame. It has dawned on me the realization that I am growing up. I can’t stop my getting older and I can’t slow down or even stop time. It’s not that I don’t want things to change, but simultaneously, I’d like things to stay the same. When it comes to most of the married couples I know, all the chicks have just dropped everything and everyone around them to spend all their time with the dude. While my friend isn’t like that, I think there’s a part of me that believes that things will turn out that way anyway. I mean, I have every expectation of making new friends, but it just sucks that our lives will never be the same. When I reminisce about things, I just feel like I won’t have that same friendship with anyone else. And that’s not really the way to think, because then I won’t be receptive to other people who come into my life.
I call this the end of an era because I will very much miss my best friend. And while it’s time for us to grow up, I hope that we won’t grow apart. We’re young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, so my hope is that our distance will make us closer, realize how valuable we are to each other, and strengthen our already existing and strong friendship. That we will toast to life and to the relationships, jokes, and laughs that we had. That through the tears that were shed, we remained strong. To the remembrance that when there was no one else to lean on, we had each other. A shoulder to cry on and a smile to rely on. May we always remember the life and love that we shared. This is not the end of an era, it’s the end of our era. The one we live in right now. And while it’s good bye for now, it’s hello to the future. And hello to the new and expected journey that life will take us on. So in the “wise” words of Tigger, TTFN, ta ta for now.
Also, I just saw one of those Kidz Bop commercials, and I hate that crap. Kidz Bop defeats the reason the song was written. It makes me want to punch who ever thought of it in the face.
I recently became a Mac. You know all those commercials where they’re like, “I’m a Mac and I’ma PC.” Yeah, well, I’m a Mac. In fact, I recently became one. So, in order to take the step into Mac-hood, I had to get all my files moved over to my PC, which takes a couple days. My Mac was left with Apple on December 29th, my last blog was December 27th, and here I am, with my computer finally in hand and internet finally available, to blog. I didn’t realize how much not having a computer sucked. I felt like I’ve lost touch with the world and didn’t know anything that was going on! It was bad. Anyway, so now that I’m back in touch with the world and everything that’s going on, I can blog and feel right at home again.
I woke up this morning with the faint scent of Soco Lime all over me. Being Asian, I don’t have much of a tolerance for alcohol. There are some Asians who can out drink anyone, but I’m definitely not one of them. In fact, I think I read some where that 50% of Asians have what’s called the Asian glow. That means that they lack the enzyme to digest alcohol, so it’s immediately metabolized. That’s why some Asians turn all red and why some, like me, get drunk really fast. I’d like to think of it as a compliment, like… people should want to take me on a date because I’m a cheap date. Ha ha. Two beers and I’m pretty inebriated. But anyway, so, last night, although I knew I was intoxicated, at no point, throughout all my shots, did I ever feel really drunk. Hmm, could I be building a tolerance? I don’t know, I just thought I’d share my “stories in alcohol” with the blogging world.
So first of all, congrats to Brian Fuentes for being picked up by the Angels. It’s not surprise to me that he was signed, he’s a good closer, and I wish him the best. His unique pitching style makes him an excellent pitcher. In other news, thank you Rockies for picking up Jason Marquis. I have nothing against Luis Vizcaino, in fact, I find him to be very talented. However, the depth needed in the pitching rotation is what Marquis can and will bring to the table. It makes me excited to have him on the team and I look forward to it. I know this was brief about the Rockies, and considering my obsession with them, it’s a bit uncharacteristic.
The real purpose is this: Mike Shanahan was fired!!! Those are “!!!” of yelling rather than any emotion being put into it. My friend, who is obsessed with the Broncos, has been saying for years that it was Shanahan’s time to go. Being raised a Broncos fan, you’d think I’d know more about it, but I don’t. Shanahan is a great coach, he’s been with the team for fourteen seasons and had a good run. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll be picked up by another team. Ha ha, my obsessed friend always calls him “Fake and Bake Tan-ahan.” It’s probably one of the most hilarious things I’ve heard, although I don’t even believe that she made it up. Anyway, I watched highlights from the press conference. Unfortunately, my friend had also neglected to pay her Comcast bill, so we couldn’t watch the conference, so 9News highlights were the next best thing. Let me say, I’m very unfeminine. I’m often mistaken for a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with being one) and I would consider myself a dude trapped in a chick’s body. I like sports, I hate crossing my legs when I sit, I believe I can solve problems, avoid crying whenever possible, I wear a t-shirt and jeans pretty much every day of my life, and I throw on a baseball cap to avoid showering. So, I’d kind of gross, but more or less have dude like traits. The point of this is, that during the press conference, I almost cried. I started tearing up a little, and I’m not one to do that. Imagine having to fire your best friend. Mike Shanahan is a great coach, and while he may not have been a perfect match for the Broncos, he sure did try his best while he was here. So, I’d like to thank him for sticking with us for fourteen seasons and vice versa. I have a lot of respect for the man and hope for nothing but the best for him.
Anyway, I’m supposed to be packing to prepare for moving on Saturday. It is so not happening. Here I am, sitting in my water bed that has no mattress because I’m trying to drain it, and blogging. My room is a sty, I haven’t even begun to pack. I have crap EVERYWHERE. That is not my room, by the way. It’s from a hilarious ad from CraigsList. Anyway, oh man, I can’t imagine living there, but my room, I feel like, comes pretty close. I’m preparing to move to Denver from the lovely cow town of Greality. I still look around and am like, “crap, I have so much to do.” So, since I have a slight tendency to procrastinate as well, I’m off to play Mario Kart Wii. Yay for procrastination!!! And yay for addicting video games!!